01 June 2007

This Generic Brand is a No-Go

There are some things in this life that we can 'Go Generic'. Below is a list of some items that are perfectly fine:

1. Claritin (allergy medication) = Wallitin, the Wallgreen's generic
2. Mountain Dew = Mountain Hollow (Dollar General generic)
3. Frosted Flakes = Crispy Flakes (Food Lion generic)
4. Tylenol/Excedrin/etc pain relievers = Wallbuprophin, Walcedrin, Walenol, etc
(can you tell I frequent Walgreens, Dollar General and Food Lion?)


There is one thing that I won't scrimp on. That is world Famous
Thomas's English Muffin

This little baby cannot be duplicated. Our hospital's cafeteria recently went from the Original to a generic 'Mediocre Muffin', probably Harry's Hoboken Muffin. I have nothing against Hoboken (New Jersey, the Garden State. That's another story), in fact, I grew up with a friend who was from Hoboken. Nice guy.

However, there are significant differences between the two. The generic fails to have all the precious nooks and crannies that Thomas puts in his English Muffin. It is so sad to not have the ability to fill each little crevice with melted butter. Hmm.

But now I can only blog and complain about it as my Hoboken Muffin's butter just drips off the side because those little nooks and crannies are gone. Poof!

Of course it's George Bush's fault that our cafeteria manager decided to go generic. I knew I could blame someone for it, and since he is the cause of everything evil, I figure I could add to the list this item. It is apparent that the President hates the English, nooks and crannies and loves Hoboken more.

If you put all the dots together, it is obvious to see that it is all a conspiracy. It is all about the 2000 election and Wisconsin. After all it is the Diary State. Butter is a dairy product. He is exacting retribution on this state by eliminating the nooks and crannies thereby reducing the demand for butter. This will result in chaos in Wisconsin and the dairy community. It will spread to Illinois, which also is a Blue State and cause wide-spread panic in the Chicago Commodities Market which will have a domino effect crossing the ocean to the White Cliffs of Dover (That's England).

When will this madness stop? Rise up people and let your voice be heard. The English have stood behind us through thick and thin. We must support them in these difficult times.

To quote Winston Churchill: "We will never, never, never never give up (our English Muffins)"

I added the last few words for emphasis and to make my point.

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

You've been on a food kick the last few days, I see. I agree about the Thomas', too. I tried to buy the Publix ones, but the real ones are better.

Poor Bush- gets blamed for everything. Maybe it's just a conspiracy by the hospital cafeteria cleaning crew to keep their jobs. With all that butter sliding off the nook-and-cranny deficient muffins, they'll have more butter mess to clean off the table, thereby ensuring a bit of job security.

I wish the cafeteria still had Mike-N-Ikes. I loved it when you brought those home! (yeah, I know they were for the kids, but you know I ended up sneaking most of them...)